THE SERENGETI—According to a male lion currently dying on the
Serengeti Plain, his agonizing demise certainly doesn't seem as though
it's part of some transcendent cosmic circle of life, but rather as if
he’s slowly and painfully bleeding to death.
The expiring lion, who dragged his weakened body onto an isolated
patch of grassland Monday after being mortally wounded by a poacher,
confirmed to reporters that he is not experiencing a tranquil,
satisfying sense of harmony with the universe, but is instead mainly
feeling intense physical torment brought on by a fatal wound to the
abdomen.
"I could be wrong, and maybe this is all an enchanting and noble
chapter in life's great cosmic narrative, but right now it pretty much
just feels like I'm dying alone on the ground in a puddle of my own
blood," said the 500-pound big cat, releasing a deep moan as violent
spasms seized his body. "Shouldn't I be feeling a stirring sensation of
kinship with all living creatures or something? Yeah, I'm not getting
any of that."
"Plus, I was illegally shot by a poacher. How does that fit into this
ancient, majestic cycle in which all of nature is connected as a
unified being?" the lion added.
Observing his surroundings, the moribund lion reported that he has
seen no brilliant gleaming light shining down from the heavens that
makes him realize he's part of a sacred tradition as old as life itself,
nor has a hush seemed to fall over the land in a reverent
acknowledgment of his passing...
..."I guess I thought there'd be a choir of chanting, melodic voices, and
that all the animals of the African valley would gather on a distant
ridge to respectfully view my last moments and recognize our essential
interconnectedness," said the lion, drawing his last labored breaths.
"But there's nobody else around at all, except those vultures."
- From the Onion. The rest at the link
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